CANADA AGOG AGAIN!

This week's headline is CANADA AGOG AGAIN!

This time it's the billion plus being spent to host the G8 and G20 summits. It has ever been thus, of course, and not without cause. Half of these people are jokers and all of them are rich enough to pay their own way if they want to see Toronto and its cottage country. On top of that, it seems they are bringing roughly 1000 others each for the ride. It's typically Canadian, of course. Honor us with your visit, PLEASE. I'm sure you'll like us once you meet us. We'll even pay your way. (As well as that of 1000 of your closest friends.)

A billion will be spent on security alone, this compared to the $381 million spent by the Japanese, the $110 million spent by the Scots, the $30 million spent by the English, and - get this - the $18 million (yes, that's right, roughly 1/50,000,000th of Canada's amount) spent by the Americans on their G8 and G20 summits. And, as if that weren't enough, several million will be spent on fake lakes (as if we were Dubai), gazebos, concrete block outhouses and the like. And for what? Apparently the fake lake is to showcase the lakes in Ontario's cottage country, no doubt in the same way that the pyramid in Las Vegas showcases the pyramids of Egypt. The gazebo cost $100,000.00 and is in a vacant lot. It is a 74 kilometer walk from the Deerhurst Resort, site of the summit. On the other hand, the outhouse is only a 20 kilometer walk from the resort, in the off chance that one of the leaders requires an emergency evacuation. Personally, I think the Harper government has the outhouse in Hoping, Alberta in mind. Hoping is long gone, and the only reminder that Hoping even existed is the outhouse. The thinking probably went as follows: in a century or two Toronto and the Deerhurst Resort will be long gone, and the only reminder will be the $274,000.00 Official Prime Minister Harper Outhouse.

In my opinion the money I send every year to Ottawa would be better spent renting the USS Arizona. For one thing, it's already been built. For another, it would be reminiscent of the HMS Prince of Wales, the British battleship on which Churchill and Roosevelt, the leader of the world's premier declining power and the leader of the world's premier rising power respectively, met to plan their strategy against the Axis powers. The HMS Prince of Wales sank that very year, making the USS Arizona even more reminiscent. Of course, there would be much harrumphing, the USS Arizona being sunk in America instead of Canada. But Canada does not now nor has it ever had a battleship, and even if it did it wouldn't have sunk, so a HMCS Right Honourable Stephen Harper would not be a proper metaphor for the sinking world economy.

Actually, when I stop to think about it, perhaps the USS Arizona isn't the best metaphor after all. Perhaps, in keeping with the cheap times we live in, we should build a cardboard - and shrunk - copy of the HMS Prince of Wales. Harper could captain - or admiral - it on his fake lake and invite the world's leaders to sail on it. The 3,000 reporters and the 8,000 hangers-on could pull up their Muskoka chairs to watch their leaders being paddled back and forth by canoe. Of course, the cardboard would have to be waterproofed to keep the replica afloat for the duration of the meeting. Perhaps Harper's ministers could be lowered by rope for the purpose. All in all, you'd have to agree, it would be taxpayers' money well spent.

And keeping with the theme of frugality, this week's "below the fold" story is Uruguay's new president. Apparently he "may be one of the world's poorest sitting leaders." (Which begs the question as to which leaders are sitting and which are standing, but that will have to wait for a future post.) His entire wealth is his 23 year old VW valued at $1,900.00. Now, he's someone I would be willing - in fact, I would be proud - as a Canadian taxpayer to invite to both the G8 and G20 summits.

Alas, Uruguayan President Jose Mujica has yet to be invited.